The one and only time that I tried to leave sister with Wesley being old enough had a driver’s license I thought it would work but it didn’t matter cuz we never got very far anyways I never got out of the house so I met Helen nasland for the first time in April of
2022 we sat in a visiting room at the women’s prison in Edmonton it’s hard to get permission to do a prison interview in Canada and the setup wasn’t ideal so the sound isn’t great sometimes Helen was telling me about the one and only time she tried to leave her husband
Miles timing wasn’t didn’t work out for us cuz miles had been away I don’t exactly where he was the field or somewhere but when he come home and had all the bags packed and ready to go that that wasn’t good this would have been somewhere around the year 2000 when Wes her eldest
Son was a teenager they didn’t even get out of the house when he come back and could see what was happening it was yeah he just just yeah it’s just one of his uh tyes or whatever you call it I mean you would in those moments he would just be
Completely unhinged like it was was horrible very very terrifying and what did that experience show you about the possibility of leaving in the future that it would never happen I got locked in the bedroom for the rest of the day in night I knew never to do it again like there
Was he was out on the other side of that door with a gun that was uh and I felt bad like my my biggest fear was this I didn’t have the kids with me I would totally H just if I ever tried it and ever did get away
It he would hunt me down and the kids and we would all I would literally dispose of the kids while I can see it and then I would Go it had taken more than a year for Helen to agree to meet with me and then several weeks more to get permission to visit her at the prison I’d only ever seen one picture of Helen and I was struck by how small she is her eyes are almost shockingly blue her face
Tanned and lined at the time she’d been in prison for 18 months I think a lot about why someone would agree to talk to a reporter it requires a huge amount of patience and Trust we talked for hours that day Helen’s story had gotten a lot of news
Coverage but she’d never spoken to a reporter before you can probably already tell how uncomfortable that kind of attention is for her when I wrote to Helen I told her that I believed her story could help other women and that’s what Helen hoped too so even though she didn’t want to
Talk to me she said she Would I’m Jenna Pruden and this is in her defense from the Globe and Mail episode 2 Helen in Hell um tell me about about meeting miles what do you remember about the that first meeting I was actually kind of going out with another guy that was that’s the only two men that I ever had anything to do with it was nothing serious it was kind
Of just a a teenage High School fling um and I guess he wanted to get to know me so he kept following me around until he finally convinced me to goow out with him Helen’s family moved around a lot when she was growing up little towns in Alberta exom Bentley me
Creek Helen wasn’t really up for talking about her childhood but I asked her sister Sharon was it a was it a happy household um I don’t I don’t I wouldn’t it wasn’t uh we didn’t go without uh it wasn’t an abusive household it it just there wasn’t a lot of
Not a lot of nurturing like I’m assuming the older kids got more but you know my parents were almost 40 when I was born so they were grandparents soon after mhm mom wasn’t very healthy at times and dad was away away working and and so long as we
Showed up for meals and we clean and dressed and and of course we always had chores yeah I I don’t know we we just survived Helen left home at 16 and stayed with her sisters for a while before getting a job at the Mall food court in Camrose it was
1981 she met Miles when she was 17 he was 20 their relationship moved fast she went to meet miles’s parents and before long they were living together I should say here that Helen has a poor memory she struggles with dates and time frames sometimes confuses the order of
Events this isn’t uncommon for survivors of domestic violence who may be living with the physical effects of repeated hits To The Head and the psychological effects of having endured serious trauma so Helen really can’t remember some parts of her life others she’s purposely tried to block
Out but when she looks back she thinks things must have been pretty good between her and miles at least at the beginning and at some point in there the relationship starts to change I was working with the cafeteria and doing very well and got along good with the
Boss and we went out after work the two of us once in a while cuz we you know we enjoyed each other’s company so um honestly I think it was her that mentioned it to start with that maybe I should take some caution and not be so serious about the guy I
Don’t know what she’s seen in him but I guess I should have taken her advice for sure so I think we spoke about it several times she finally convinced me to you know maybe ask him to to move out and just chill for a bit right
Just go a separate ways and see where it takes us and that didn’t go for very well friend that’s when it all started totally downhill from there needless to say he didn’t Mo about what can you tell me about that when you say it didn’t go over very well
With him what what happened that day it was a done nasty day um I guess he was I don’t know whether he was shocked nervous upset scared worried I don’t know what it was but anyway I guess he gave me the the guilt trip that nobody cared about him and you
Can’t kick me out and I got nowhere to go I was a [ __ ] and I was all sorts of mean it was it was very cruel of me to do that I I this is going to go very well I can see it right now um you know it’s a it’s a difficult
Thing it’s a it’s a obviously a reality in domestic violence relationships it’s a question that lots of people ask you know why doesn’t she just leave at that point well at that point that was my place so I wasn’t going anywhere I was paying the rent
So that would have been stupid on my part to back up and walk out when everything there was mine um I don’t know I guess I had too big a heart felt sorry for him like I said we we shared the same goals you know our end goal in life was
To farm and live in the country and his parents were willing to help us get started doing that so what happens from there I just I said I I felt sorry for him and but I like I said I was really wanted to farm and I thought well maybe this is
Just a hiccup can only get better can’t can any worse Helen and Miles got married in 1983 it wasn’t a big Affair just a justice of the peace and a few relatives well I guess the incident initial incident was kind of forgotten about or not forgotten about I guess
Just put aside right it was I decided to let him stay and we just continued on from there they found a farm near Holden a few minutes down the road from where Miles grew up it was everything Helen Ever Wanted yeah it it sounded really good I
Thought everything was going to be great his parents were very eager to help us and nice people like just they give a lot they were always there for us their first son Wesley was born in December 1984 and they moved onto the farm that spring this was around the time that
Helen’s neighbor corleen lir would come over for coffee in the mornings corleen raced horses at local rodeos and she invited Helen to come along and try it Helen loved it right away things were okay then there was the rodeo and Hardesty I don’t know we were later than expected coming home because it was a hot day so after the rodeo we took the horses swimming in the lake I don’t this is really hard I don’t know I just you know of course you get you get all wet right I didn’t have
Extra clothes or anything but Cly she had she always kept extra clothes in her trailer so she gave me some of her clothes to put on instead of leaving the wet clothes on and when we got home it just that’s so just really come on road have a hard time talking about it
Yeah I understand that and I don’t I don’t want to make you have to you know relive everything and go through things that you don’t you know just to go through them again yeah um so I do understand that that was the first time that he got very physical as well
As the verbal and emotional abuse after that first incident had there been you know when you talk about the verbal and the emotional abuse had there been signs of that or had it really sort of quieted down in between uh no there was signs of it it was nothing real physical more just
Mental and controlling part of it I was telling me what to do and really watching where I was and whenever I went to go down to carleans you had to know exactly what I was doing and why and how long I was going to be and
So and then we have this physical blow up um did it surprise you uh the first initial incident yes surpris me but after it happened no I I knew I was in trouble then Helen was caught stuck picture her so young newly married with a little baby on the farm she’d always
Wanted well that’s when I should have laugh yeah I didn’t know what to do where to go did you tell anybody what it happened yes I took Ken do do you remember what she said or what she thought about it course she wanted me to get leave
Too he had threatened me to never say anything to anybody so when I did tell her she didn’t dare confront him about it right and that’s when he uh he ordered me to that I had to I did have a horse at that time my own that i’
Thought but I had to get rid of that and I wasn’t allowed to go on any events again and I I you know I didn’t really want to leave where I was living I was afraid of him to not really that concerned about leaving
Him per se but I didn’t want to leave my environment what I had and you have a baby wasn’t most definitely wasn’t leaving Wesley no yeah so it just you know I just thought well do as he asked and not have a life of my own other than farming and
Togetherness with him that was just how it was and were you in contact with your family around that time very seldom but that only lasted for a few years to and then that was not allowed anymore either like I wasn’t even allowed to go see my parents
So unless he was with and I think maybe he went twice and he didn’t like going so he didn’t like them and since he didn’t want to go then I wasn’t going it’s not certain her parents could have or would have helped when Sharon told their dad about her own abusive marriage
He said well Sharon you’ve how do you put you’ve made your bed now I guess you’re going to have to sleep in it I was raised with really old-fashioned values so my marriage BS are really important to me so it’s not something that I really wanted to do because I didn’t agree with
You know divorces and such and I already had a child so that well here you know I’m I’m just this is where I’m at and to make it easier on myself I thought having more children would just make it easier better I would I’d have the kids and I wouldn’t have
To worry about having Him their second son Daryl was born in 1988 and Neil four years after that the babies didn’t make it better Helen didn’t know what to do she had so little contact with anybody outside the farm when miles and Helen married the local women’s shelter in Camrose didn’t
Even exist yet and other shelters in the province were surviving with meager budgets sometimes Turning Away women and children for lack of space By the way that’s actually still the case keep in mind that in those days the vast majority of people didn’t have email or Internet there were no smartphones no
Google I really had no idea what to do I had no contact with anybody that that could help me find help or know who to talk to or I certainly couldn’t talk to Miles I mean I had mentioned something that I was going to go I I wasn’t going to I
Didn’t tell them I was going to the police or anything after that incident but that I you know when I thought I should get out and I needed to go talk to somebody that was when the threats come that you don’t dare to say anything to anybody about this ever Right while their family grew miles pushed to expand the farm he wanted more past what they could afford or manage at some point they had hundreds of cows hens and pigs and farmed over 3,000 Acres it was a source of tension the money the debt there was so much more
Work every time the farm expanded but it always fell to Helen and the boys sometimes Helen would be working with one arm a toddler underf foot and a baby on her hip or plopped in a snow bank she knew it was dangerous to have the kids there with all the animals and
The machines she tried to be careful but the work had to be done and she had to do it from the time the boys were old enough to work they did it too there was only the farm only the family only what miles wanted them to
Do when the kids were going to school you know usually kids get to you know do Sports and extracurricular activities that was not not at all possible it was not allowed like it was they weren’t W they weren’t allowed to go to birthday parties they weren’t allowed to have kids
Over I think at a couple times I finally convinced them to let some kids come over but it only happened a couple times cuz the other parents had kind of I guess you know rumors travel through small rural areas and it got so other parents were reluctant to let their kids come
There so they were kind of deprived of any of that growing up it was hard cuz uh I don’t know miles wasn’t really the fatherly type even when they were little like he didn’t want nothing to do with them that was you know that was my job
To look after them but it was also my job to do all the chores and to be at his side continually doing all the other work too which was really hard to balance and it was that caused a lot of fights and arguments and I mean anybody would know that it
Wouldn’t be possible to do all those things but it’s still something that he had in his List of Demands right this is how it was and if I couldn’t help him then he would sit in his chair and do nothing waiting for me I mean that how that
Doesn’t work I mean how does stuff just doesn’t get done that way and um the violence in that period is it a regular thing is it occasional blowups um just occasional blowups like when the kids were little and I I said this I don’t know how much
You want to put how much information you want it’s there’s a lifetime of stuff that you want to jot down in a few words how do you do that I don’t Know there are almost 30 years of incidents big and small all mixed up and muddled together some dramatic others just part of the daily life she was living Helen wouldn’t be able to list it all even if she tried ride and I didn’t want to make her instead I’ll tell you what I
Know there was punching hitting as a police officer would later put it so casually miles taking a round out of Helen over a game of cards there were the things he did to her in the bedroom there was work work wielded like a weapon until Helen and the boys were so
Exhausted they could barely function there was was the control the degradation the cruelty and there was always the loaded Gun I wouldn’t even want to try and go back and count the number of times that I’ve had a gun to my head and actually hear that click and I’ll I’ll never forget that that sound knowing very well that there’s at least one bullet maybe more in that
Gun and then he’d laugh about it afterwards you know it’s next time I’ll make sure that so yeah we didn’t dare Helen and I wrote letters for months and it was easier for her to open up in writing here’s a section from one letter when I had asked Helen about miles’s abuse of
Animals I think it provides a glimpse of daily life on the farm here’s what she wrote not really sure how to explain things to you without all the profanity so I guess you will have to use your imagination and fill in blanks and read between the
Lines one of the more serious times was every time we had to ship out Market Hogs there were times we had a price dock because of excessive bruising or lacerations all due to physical abuse inflicted upon them I would always try to sneak out with one of the boys to try
To get as many loaded as possible before miles would show up when miles would get to Barn he would be hollering and swearing at us to what’s blanking taking so long are you blanking useless and stupid then everything would turn into a war zone screaming hollering at us and
The pigs everyone was terrified that made it that much harder to work with pigs cuz they were so scared things escalated from there very rapidly such a verbal abuse than physical abuse to pigs and us it would get so bad I would get whichever one of
The boys was helping to leave so they didn’t get hurt that would piss miles off then things got worse he would use whatever he could grab piece of 2×4 shovel Fork pales anything and literally beat the pigs at time I would be caught in crossfire then he would get so mad and
Yell all kinds of words at me telling me that I was not helping to get over here and help when I would get close enough he would shove me to the ground HIIT me kick me it was very frightening then he would tell me to get the blank to the
House you are so blanking useless but when I would go to leave then he would become even more angered he would grab me throw me around and be ordered to blanking help I would be crying boys outside would be crying all out of fear at that point it was so horrible I don’t
Even know how to explain and put the scene into words continuing effects from this day would last for up to a week the worst hell you could imagine another incident was we had a jersey milk cow and at times we used her for a nurse cow when we had a weak beef calf
Normally I would always do that and have not much for problems well for some reason Time Miles had started with helping this calf all the animals just seemed to sense mil’s demeanor and would be really edgy when he was around when he tried to get the calf to suck the
Milk cow kicked a bit oh my just instantly miles became mad punched the cow while that just made her kick and fight trying to get away miles was getting madder and matter beating on that cow so viciously until she dropped to the ground the whole time
I was pulling at Miles trying to get him to stop finally when the cow dropped he sent me flying across the barn and left other events if miles was walking in the house or outside and if our dog was laying down instead of stepping over
It or going around he would just give it a kick was the end of it unless dog happened to growl or Yelp a little bit holy [ __ ] if that happened the dog got beat until it was able to escape I had boughten a feret for Neil
Miles was always pissed off that I had done that Alice’s wet Neil had named her we had so much fun with her she was always running around the house and for the most part quite friendly with Neil and myself anyway one day Alice came out miles was sitting in his chair and she
Climbed up the back of chair and onto mil’s shoulder then ran down his arm not sure why but she nipped at his thumb while all hell broke loose miles went insanely Furious yelling foul words at Neil Alice and myself grabbed Neil and ordered him to get that blanking feret
Cuz I’m going to blank and kill it well Neil went and found Alice and took her and himself to safety I was verbally abused and smacked around for buying the fet we all had to tread on thin ice and keep Alice clear away from Miles
Needless to say we had to get rid of Alice we were threatened if we didn’t do it also for the safety of Alice we gave her away it wasn’t fair for Alice or [Laughter] Us Helen thought she did a good job of hiding what was happening but people knew something was going on even if they didn’t know what to do or say about it they saw it in Helen in how quiet she was how she tried to hide and disappear
They saw it in the boys in their anger in how they fought and raged so many people must have known or suspected the people they sold those pigs to the boys teachers kids at school and their parents Lawrence and Patty at the hotel Corine across the fields but
Like Sharon said no one knew the worst of it and and as the family grew more isolated there were fewer and fewer people around there was no way Helen could see to get free no option available just uh no first steps no idea what to
Do I I seriously didn’t think I had any options to am middle of nowhere basically right what are we going to do grab the kitchen start walking what we going to walk to where am I going to get do you remember at some point in your relationship whether it was you know
Early that very first incident in the apartment if it’s the incident the farm do you remember um becoming aware or fearing that he could kill you um yeah I think I had that feeling right from the start that he could yes um and as years went on you know the the
Fear in got more intense right because it was you know his outbursts and stuff became more and I I knew what he was capable of it I mean it was more than twice my size I didn’t dare you know try to stand up for myself or talk back to him I just it’s
Something that it was just I don’t know how to put it into words you know some people say saying you fear of God or whatever I don’t know it’s just it’s just something that was known by all of us right I don’t after I don’t I why I
Don’t know um from continual threats I guess Ian it’s not like he didn’t he didn’t keep that a secret it was he didn’t have a problem saying you do this or else you’ll pay or and then eventually it turned to I’ll kill you or he would use the kids to get what he
Wanted from me because otherwise I’ll kill those [ __ ] kids I’ve thought a lot about how Helen could have gotten away from miles even if she made it to a domestic violence shelter what would she have done then and there was always something she loved at the farm her sons her animals always
Something miles could use against her you know even if I wasn’t there he still had control over me just in a different way you know maybe one the one of the children were there or he was with somebody else that meant lots to me it’s just so it’s just I didn’t dare not
Come home at night cuz whatever that hold he had on me was was in Jeopardy it’s just I didn’t want to sacrifice anyone or anything to you know to make an event happen that would turn out tragic Helen didn’t want anybody else to be hurt by her leaving there was only
One other way out that she could see I don’t think it was that long after Wesley left probably I don’t not for sure how long but was when I my first attempt to Suicide was I mean I thought that was my only other option probably one of
The the only times I thought about myself rather than somebody else Helen survived and a doctor sent her her to counseling when Helen looks back on it she only ever saw three ways out one was that time she tried to leave the second was suicide and then there were these counseling
Sessions you know I think at one point I was in a position where I was very close to getting that help but it got you know shut down when I was seeing that psychologist there for a while and um you know she wanted to help and
She wanted to meet miles to see if we could kind of sort our lives out and he I don’t even I’m surprised that I managed to convince him to go I’m sure he had his own reasons that he didn’t tell me about that he did go
And I found out afterwards yes it was just to fulfill his own suspicions and I wasn’t allowed to to go back and it’s like that’s when the last door closed I mean even knowing some of the resources that are out there when I think about a situation like yours and the level of
Risk that you were at and other people Al your sons and their families and I mean it’s it’s hard to think of how a person in your situation could find a way out yeah it’s it’s just like there wasn’t a way out like it and like I said it was uh yeah if
Uh yeah if only right there hindsight if he could go back and do it again I would do it differently what do you think you would do well I think I would have that counselor I was seeing was was a big help and I think I would
Have given her more to go on to you know start a process on the outside might have turned out badly who knows I don’t Know by the early 2000s the farm was in bad shape they were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt they sold land and equipment and animals pairing down until they had almost nothing left no more chickens no more rented land no more pigs just a few cows and the home quarter of
Land Helen went to work in Camrose working long days at a farming and Industrial Supply store called A1 Rentals it may be tempting to think that being away from the farm would be better for Helen that it would give her more of a chance to get help to plot getting
Away but being away from Miles actually made it worse not better he would stew about what she was doing continually calling the store grilling her when she got home about who had been in everything that had happened making her account for every minute of
The day the closer I could be to him the the safer I was so to speak it doesn’t really make sense but I guess I knew that it was a reassurance to him that I wasn’t doing anything wrong as long as I was within his reach or his sight right
It’s when I wasn’t in his sight that’s when I was in more fear I never knew what was going through his mind but he thought because I’m sure he made up continually if I wasn’t around you know he just I don’t think his mind worked properly I seriously don’t they started
A trucking business but even with the boys working and Helen doing long days at the store they were barely hanging on to the little they had left and Miles was worse than ever I didn’t give up no I didn’t certainly didn’t give up I was still working lots um I don’t know I
Just got to the point where there’s nothing left I was broken nothing mattered anymore miles was in a drunken rage on the evening of Sunday September 4th 2011 he ordered Helen around with his gun and threw wrenches at her when a tractor broke later he swept their
Entire dinner onto the floor and told her it wasn’t fit for a dog I mean it was a a shitty day but whether it was something out of the usual no not really I mean it was pretty much normal I don’t I don’t know how to describe how I felt I
Just other than just I because I I don’t want to use the word give up because I don’t think I did give up I don’t know I just it was weird I just there was nothing left h that night two gunshots crack through the house miles was dead and Helen was
Standing in the hallway in her night gown screaming next time on in her defense you know what I I don’t I don’t think I really thought about it much when he went missing I knew he wasn’t missing because he wouldn’t have done that there’s no control in walking away
And my backo went to the farm one my cuz I have a rental company he W rentals and it’s out at the farm what you need you need my back of for oh you’ve got sewer problems well that’s when they dug the they dug use my hoe to dig the bury the
Car yeah then all hell brers again it’s like the the can open one Up in her defense is made by casha mahovich and me Janna Pruden field recording by Amber Bracken our executive editor is Angela Penza special thanks to head of visual journalism Matt frer and head of editing Ian bokoff our theme song is The Fighter by Jen Grant Arrangements by David Crosby in her
Defense is recorded at mchan University by Sheena Roser Sasha stoich and Emily rubita Sheena Rossiter and David Crosby mixed this episode additional technical production by Jay Coburn you can email me at jpr DN globeandmail.com to learn more about this podcast and domestic violence in Canada go to tgam m.ca slash in her
Defense that’s defense with a c if you’re experiencing domestic violence and want to talk to someone you can find resources and your nearest shelter at shelters Safe.com and mail our listeners get a special discount on new subscriptions at www.g glob and.com podcast deal take care and thank you for listening Yeah
Helen Naslund speaks from prison for the first time. Helen describes how she met and married Miles, and the only time she tried to leave. Early one morning in September 2011, two gunshots crack through the house.
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